I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
