I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
