Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
