I hate your face
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
