He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
