I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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