Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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