Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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