I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
