He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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