is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
