Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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