The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
