I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
