Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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