There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
