We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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