3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
