The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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