put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
