I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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