Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize