So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
