Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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