I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
