she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
