Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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