No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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