If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
