Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
birth control should be required to get into college
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
