i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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