Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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