the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
