If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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