If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
