okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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