the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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