Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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