i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
