im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
