wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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