went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am mentally ready for anal.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
