I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
