No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
