You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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