every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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