You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
