Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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