Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He has the fingertips of a God
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