whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
