Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Randomize
