umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
