If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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