3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
