it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
