Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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