i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
