I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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