shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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