it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
