we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
