need another drink. this is the easiest way
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
