I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
