its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize