It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
